November 22, 2022

Here we are, the week of Thanksgiving, and I can honestly say that I have no idea where the time went. Wasn’t it just summer? With the holidays upon us, I want to take a moment to recognize that holidays are tricky for many of us. Even people who love the holidays can admit to moments of exhaustion and stress. For many of my patients, whether they are struggling with obesity or suffering from eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, bulimarexia, or binge eating disorder, holiday gatherings are typically high-anxiety times. It is because, for most of my patients, the holidays are basically centered around food. To help combat this I’ve created a list of useful tips on reducing holiday stress.

  • Discuss any specific concerns with your treatment specialist. Try to role-play situations that you suspect may arise (such as comments about your weight, your food choices, etc.). Be as prepared as you can be to avoid counterproductive coping behaviors.

  • Set realistic goals. Don’t set yourself up for a stressful holiday season by over-scheduling yourself. You need to be your own #1. Make sure you leave some time to focus on yourself, allow yourself to get an adequate amount of sleep, and engage in activities that make you feel good (exercise, relax or meditate).

  • Have an Emergency Plan. Have a plan in case you find yourself in a stressful situation. Get some fresh air, go to another room and practice some relaxation or deep breathing exercises, and arrange for a close friend to be “on-call” in case you need someone to talk to.

  • Eat regularly throughout the day. Don’t skip meals in anticipation of a large dinner because it sets you up to binge.

General Tips

  • Get perspective. This is a holiday to celebrate survival. The pilgrims and the Indians came together to give thanks that they made it through another bitter winter and that they had enough food. So yes, the focus is the food, and we have taken it to the extreme, but the real thanks are about how people, families, and even members of different cultures/races work together to survive and thrive. This is a holiday that recognizes the importance of the family and the role that our grandparents and their grandparents played in our family history. Families are important, no matter how annoying they are.

  • Don’t isolate yourself! Spend time with family and friends. If it isn’t possible to physically be with your loved ones, have a phone conversation or use Skype! Isolating yourself won’t make you feel better, in many situations it may even make you feel worse.

  • Comfort to feel comfort. You are not alone in your holiday anxiety, the person sitting right next to you is feeling it too. The best way to comfort yourself is to comfort someone else. Think of yourself as the helper and not the helpless, the therapist, and not the patient.

  • Be in the moment! Enjoy the time with your loved ones, have great conversations, laugh, and make memories! Leave your self-consciousness at the door. It will be there waiting for you when the gathering is over. Hang out with some little kids. They really know how to live in the moment. Or if you are into a blast from the past, hang out with some old people like me. We love to tell stories and we are pretty good at it.

  • Pace yourself. Use the days off to rest and pamper yourself. Start a new book. Take a walk. Organize a closet that has been driving you nuts, but don’t organize the whole house or spend days cooking by yourself. Take shortcuts wherever and whenever you can. Hold a baby. Play with a pet. Breathe.

For the loved ones

Loved ones can also get high-jacked, especially by relatives. 

  • How to Avoid Conversation Traps with Well-Meaning Relatives. As far as the dreaded conversation with the concerned/nosey/well-meaning/rude (take your pick of adjectives) family member who comments or asks about your loved one’s eating habits or looks, transitions will be your best friend. For example:

Well-meaning family member: How is she? (concerned furrowed eyebrows)

You: She’s good. How are you? 

Well-meaning family member: God, she looks so thin. 

You: (Saying nothing.) Did I tell you I’m going full-out black Friday shopping tomorrow? I’m lining up at 6 am to buy a television for $5. 

When you directly ignore the comment, it sends a very strong message.

  • Don’t Be the One to Bring It Up. If you are the well-meaning family member described above, please do not bring up how much or how little food might be on your loved one’s plate. Please also don’t comment on how their body looks. Seriously, don’t say it looks good, better, and for sure not alarming. Do not comment on the person’s looks. You cannot even say “Your outfit looks great” because you are indirectly saying something about their body. If you just cannot resist paying them a compliment, you can say your hair looks great. Remember that they are in RECOVERY and are feeling the pressure of the holidays, you will only add to it, if you comment on their looks, no matter how well-intended you are.

  • Handling difficult conversations. If you have tried transitions and the person still does not get the hint, then try this. It is called behavioral extinction. Nod when you like what the person is saying, make eye contact and smile. Give no response, not even a nervous smile, and make no eye contact if you don’t like what the person is saying. Look away, then get up and say “It’s time to go do the dishes.” Eventually, even an amoeba will learn to stop commenting.

I hope that the tips that I have shared will help you to prepare for this Thursday. Let me know if you have any tips that you would like to share or if these have helped you. Happy Thanksgiving!