November 20, 2025

Thanksgiving or Misgiving?

By: Dr. Renae Norton

Here we are with less than three weeks to go before Thanksgiving, and I can honestly say that I have no idea where the time went. Wasn’t it just summer? With the holidays upon us, I want to take a moment to recognize that holidays are tricky for many of us. Even people who love the holidays can admit to moments of exhaustion and stress during these times.

Part of the problem is that the holidays are centered around food and most of us worry about eating too much. But holidays can be stressful for many other reasons: family issues, travel, loneliness, political differences, etc.

To help combat this, I’ve created a list of tips on reducing holiday stress.

General Tips

  • Get perspective. This is a holiday to celebrate survival. The pilgrims and the Indians came together to give thanks that they made it through another bitter winter and that they had enough to eat. So yes, the focus is the food, but we have taken it to the extreme. The real thanks is about how people, families, and even members of different cultures/races work together to survive and thrive. This is a holiday that recognizes the importance of gratitude, not only for the things we have, but the people with whom we share them.
  • Set realistic goals. Don’t set yourself up for a stressful holiday season by over-scheduling yourself. You need to be your own #1. Make sure you leave some time to focus on yourself, get adequate rest, and don’t overcommit. If you don’t have to do all the cooking and cleaning, don’t. Delegate. Don’t be a martyr. Engage in activities that make you feel good (exercise, read, or meditate).
  • Don’t isolate yourself. Make a point of having time with family and friends. If it isn’t possible to physically be with your loved ones, have a phone conversation or use Skype. Isolating yourself won’t make you feel better, and in many situations it may even make you feel worse.
  • Comfort to feel comfort. You are not alone in your holiday anxiety; The person sitting right next to you is feeling it too. The best way to comfort yourself is to comfort someone else. Think of yourself as the helper and not the helpless, the therapist and not the patient. It is amazing how well this works to make us feel good.
  • Be in the moment. Enjoy the time with your loved ones, have great conversations, laugh, and make memories! Play touch football—if you can’t actually play, be the scorekeeper. Leave your self-consciousness at the door. It will be there waiting for you when the gathering is over. Hang out with little kids. They really know how to live in the moment. Hold a baby. Play with a pet. Breathe.
  • Pace yourself. Use the days off to rest and pamper yourself. Start a new book. Take a walk. Organize a closet that has been driving you nuts, but don’t organize the whole house or spend days cooking by yourself. Take shortcuts wherever and whenever you can.

Families are important, no matter how annoying they are.

How to Avoid Conversation Traps with Well-Meaning Relatives

Loved ones can easily get hijacked, especially by relatives.As far as the dreaded conversation with the “concerned/nosey/well-meaning/rude” (take your pick of adjectives) family member, transitions will be your best friend. For example:

Well-meaning family member: How are you now that you have quit your job?

You: Transition: “Speaking of jobs, how is yours going?”

Well-meaning family member: Goodness, you look so thin! (Sad! Frazzled!)

You: Transition: “Did I tell you I’m going full out Black Friday shopping tomorrow? I’m literally lining up at 6 am to buy a television for $5.”

When you directly ignore the comment, it sends a message, but in a kind way.

Handling the Difficult Conversations

If you have tried transitions and the person still does not get the hint, then try this. It is called behavioral extinction. Nod when you like what the person is saying, make eye contact, and smile. When you don’t like what they are saying, give no response—not even a nervous smile. So you still make eye contact, but no smile, no expression (in psychology, we call it the blank slate stare). They will stop talking, and when they do, get up and say, “It’s time to go do the dishes.” That usually shuts them up. Eventually, even an amoeba will learn to stop commenting.

No Politics

Today in our polarized nation, politics is a hard no. Even if you assume everyone agrees with you, I guarantee someone doesn’t. Not worth the risk. No politics! If someone doesn’t get the hint, gently request a change of subject.

Start a New Tradition

Have you always been the one to do all the cooking? Invite others to bring a dish. How about a game after dinner instead of TV? That way, everyone can take part. Or do your Christmas drawing. Does anybody play an instrument? Let’s make music!

I hope that the tips I’ve shared will help you prepare for this Thanksgiving. Let me know if you have any tips you’d like to share or if these have helped you.

Happy Thanksgiving!– Dr. Norton